Edclicking Keyword Cloud
By Dr. Harry Tennant
Wednesday, August 29, 2012 Education Ride 365: You Better Do This...Or I'm Going To Ignore That You Didn't! Recently while in New Mexico I witnessed an extreme example of a common mistake we often make with young people. I was in a small 'mom-and-pop' hairstylist shop where two young boys were running wild as their parents cut hair. Their dad was working on one customer, while mom was working on what little hair I still have! The boys were working on everyone's nerves! Mom would often take time out from tending to my head to tell the boys to "stop doing" this or that, or to tell them they "better....." Each time she did, one of them would wail, then pout, then completely ignore the directive. She never followed through to enforce compliance. In a couple of instances one of the boys hauled off and hit his mom. The first time he hit her she completely ignored that he did so. The second time she turned and slapped his face, to which he ran off in yet more hysterics. She then called him back and patted his head explaining to him how sorry she was.  Where was dad during all of this? He completely ignored the situation and only got involved after mom slapped the one boy, only to ask why she had done so. I couldn't believe his complete abdication of responsibility. He may as well not been there as a father. At one point, one of the boys was climbing up on a stand holding potato chips for sale. It was leaning forward, threatening to fall and create a mess, if not injure the boy. Mom yelled for him to get off, but he ignored her. She then walked that way, at which point he picked up a bag of chips and told her he would be having them. She stated, "you need to ask" and followed up her statement by grabbing them from him and opening them up before placing them back in his hands and stating, "you need to ask if you want some chips." He never asked....yet walked away with the chips. As this was going on and she explained to me that "he must have had a bad day at school because he is acting so spoiled today," I thought about the poor teachers who would have these two student in class. They are not only used to not heeding directives, they are openly defiant and lacking in any sense of consequences for not doing so. Yet mom implied that the school (or at least the day at school) was somehow the explanation for this behavior! No mom, you (and---through outright negligence of responsibility---dad) seem to be the very root of the problem.  One thing parents (and teachers) can do to improve student behavior and the overall development of children into responsible adolescents is to stop giving empty directives! Don't tell a child to do something without the full intention of making sure it gets done. Make certain they know you directed them to do this because you expect it will be done in a timely manner, without fail. Follow-up to make certain it is done. This is fundamental to good parenting. It is fundamental to good teaching too. Young people need this lesson reinforced at every turn.  Parents and other adults who throw out empty directives with any degree of regularity often complain that "kids these days just don't listen." They don't listen when they either don't think you mean it, or when they know you won't hold them accountable. Though this is not a form of parental involvement we often think of in regard to making our schools better... it sure would contribute to making our schools (and homes) much better. We need to stop being afraid, too busy, too nice, and/or too lazy to parent. Empty directives produce less disciplined young people. Posted at 9:54 AM Keywords: Education Ride 365 , EdClick , Cycle Of Education , Parent Involvement , Discipline 2 Comments |
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Liz said... Wow Dan, what an example of the bad behaviors of children that are continually reinforced. Most of us see this on a daily basis but are not as observant as you or have become more immune to it. Wednesday, August 29, 2012 12:06 PM |
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Coreen said... I totally agree with you, Dan. Children that have been given the freedom to act in this way continue this behaviour as adolescents. I have seen it first hand how parents of teenagers throw out the empty directives and the kids know that the parents won't follow through. Then they ask the teacher, "What can I do?" Sorry, but they should have started "doing" something a long time ago. The damage is already done. No consequences, no respect. Wednesday, August 29, 2012 8:13 PM |